Ugh – can we say timing is up to God. This week I have been busy, I haven’t read the book or posted anything. I started my training here at work so that has kept me busy. I probably won’t stay busy because I have nothing to do with the training once it is complete, but we will cross that bridge in time. Life is life I guess, I am still trying to figure out how to afford a place of my own. Found the perfect spot, but it will probably be gone by the time I can pay for it, so that got me thinking I should find a different new job. Then I started to read today after all this thinking about having to make more money and now I remember all the reasons I accepted this position and all of the wonderful people and quit thinking about the dollar signs…God has a plan. I just have to work with his plan and I am not sure if I will be able to figure out in my time, so I have to trust his. (And the patience of my Aunt and Uncle – Lord bless them for everything they do.) As for a new job…unless it will make me $100,000 a year or more I’m not interested.
Day 10: The Heart of Worship
Point to Ponder: The Heart of Worship is surrender.
Verse to Remember: “Surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes.” -Romans 6:13b
Question to consider: What area of my life am I holding back from God?
Here is the thing about surrendering..it’s hard! We think that we are in control because we live in the physical world, we react to physical proof and evidence and often don’t remember that it is the unseen that controls what we do see. We can’t see gravity but we know it is there, so we trust it and surrender to its forces upon our bodies. Many people are unable to do this with God. Why? We can’t see Him…we don’t know if he is really there (until we need him)…we think that we have to do some things for ourselves. Every time I contemplate complete surrender I think back to a line from Everafter, when Da Vinci is speaking about God, “He’s busy and he needs a little help.” Well, he is busy, but He doesn’t need your help. I am going to have to remind myself of that from now on because I do try to have some control over all areas of my life and I think I need to surrender to my faith and to God a lot more.
I think maybe it stems from a childhood that lacked order or an adulthood that has been um…tumultuous. I just have control issues, it doesn’t matter where they come from, so from today forward I know that I have to give that over to God. Trying to do this is no easy feat. I have been trying since I was 17, and my friend Sarah gave me a card with penguins on it (one was looking at the other and there was a fish having half swallowed one) that said, “Let go and let God.” Obviously, I am not good at it otherwise I would have a better idea of his plan for my finances. I know accepting my position is God’s doing because I will learn so much from the counselors I work with and once I complete my classes and transfer I will have a ready-made internship, but the trouble is with the amount of money…it’s soooo little when I am trying to provide for two sons. The portion of the chapter that sticks with me most is the part on trust which is where the money situation comes into play. “You know you’re surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work.” The penguins again…so how, why, and what do I need to do?
I need to write two lines on my heart and keep them there so that every time I look at finances I remember them.
“You cannot serve both God and money.” Said by Jesus.
“Wherever your treasure is, your heart will be also.” Also Jesus.
I have a plan these days and a vision for my future, a vision that I think is lining up with the Big Guys, but I live here and now. Once I am done with school my mission is clear but my path to that end is as yet a little hard to surrender…but I must…the battle within me is entirely selfish and my path will change course if I change what I am doing. It will not put me on course to fulfill my vision, even if it would be easier to pay the bills.
So, join with me, go to the Father and give him your surrender. “Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another’s, please don’t take it away.” This will not be easy, but it will be worth it.