I knew I had to…from Just.Be.Enough

I am going to try doing the posts from Just.Be.Enough on Monday evenings.

This week is “I knew I had to…”

Today is September 26, 2011

September 26, 2006 I decided to leave my husband for the first time. This was not a decision that I took lightly. The events of the day are forever burned into my conscience. There is no discussing the anger and humiliation of that day. I knew I had to leave.

August 1, 2007, My mother was in Mexico studying for her art history degree. My stepfather is at work. I am in the throws of a compelling force the likes of which most will never understand and I return to my husband. Like magnets to a burning hot iron ember. I know it’s going to hurt, but I am hoping that it can last through the pain. I knew I had to – I knew I had to give it another try.

March 25, 2009, I knew I had to do it again. I knew I had to leave him again. He had burned and broken me again. I know he is in pain, but so am I. I can not leave my responsibilities hanging while I am out in the wind. I have a son and my son needs me. I leave again…I knew I had to…

November 6, 2009, I knew I had to accept him in again. I needed to escape from the pain. I decide to run away. I knew I had to run and hide. I was out in the open trying to be invisible, but only succeeding in being lost. Once again I am unequally yoked to this person that I love, but everything in me is screaming.

September 23, 2010, we fight again…for the millionth time. We decide it is over. We have to wait, but it is over.

February 23, 2011 we are finally able to leave our place in limbo and I am able to give him up. I knew I had to leave him there…sad and whimpering in his pain. 

September 23, 2011 one year has passed to the day and I am finally able to file. I am finally able to separate myself in law and life from the person who has spent a decade building me up and tearing me down. I didn’t know I could, but I knew I had to…

Today is September 26, 2011, I knew I had to live and love, but I didn’t know that it would hurt so much. I didn’t know God made something so wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I didn’t believe the books I read that say as much.

I know I have to be strong.

I know I have to live fully.

I know I have to love completely.

I know I have to be me.

I know I am enough. Me. Just me.

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11 thoughts on “I knew I had to…from Just.Be.Enough

  1. Elisa Michelle says:

    I can’t imagine how painful that entire experience was and probably still is for you. Still, I’m happy you know you are enough. You always will be enough, just as you are, for God. =)

    • Megan DaGata says:

      Thank you for having a place that is open to all people to share and learn. Life is much harder than they tell you about as a kid. The choices and decisions we make along the way…some of them can not be planned for and it’s in those choices we find ourselves. Thanks for reading!

  2. kelly says:

    I am so impressed with your strength, for I’m sure this was hard. Hard to live, hard to go through, hard to lose, hard to gain.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us on Just Be Enough.

  3. KindredAdventures says:

    Wow… I am without words. Words do not help the pain go away. Sharing your stories will help the healing. Bravely sharing your story will help others. How strong and brave you are. So incredibly strong. I wish that your pain will come and go quickly, that the healing will be quick and that the moments ahead of you are “chronically optimistic” with little effort and much happiness. -Laverne Thank you for Linking up with JBE… I look forward to reading more and following your continued journey as the Just.Be.Enough You!

    • Megan DaGata says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting! Thank you for believing in my strength. There are days when I do not feel it and being able to write out the things I go through is helping me. I hope that in writing it out I can help others.

    • Megan DaGata says:

      You can do it. I know you can. Any mother can stand on her two feet and fight for anything when it involves the love, health, and safety of her children. I will be praying for you as you are on your journey. Feel free to drop an email any time you need a little encouragement. We are enough. I have faith in that.

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