October first

Today in Courage to Change, the passage for 1 October spoke about realizing when you are in crisis and acknowledging the feeling without reacting. A state of crisis is defined:

Suddenly I am aware of thoughts racing and crashing through my mind at an alarming speed – memories, broken promises, fears about the future, failed expectations of both myself and other people.

After reading this I know this is where I have been for the entire year. Like I said the other day, I thought I had this future thing figured out a year ago. Now I know I don’t. The easy solution would be to find someone just controlling enough to where I would never have to make a decision for myself, but I would end up hating them.

Truth is that my quality of life isn’t determined by outside forces. I need to know what I need before proceeding in any facet of my existence. This evening I was asking myself this question…how am I supposed to have the proper actions if they are nothing but reactions?

I am in my state of confusion…not by anything that happened recently but by the decisions of six months ago.The results of those decisions have not been wonderful peaceful months filled with happiness, but panic filled months filled with doubt. I have enough knowledge to know that If I had made the right choice I would be filled with overwhelming peace about it.

I hope you all will bear with me as I work my way through this. It is sort of all consuming and is my focus at the moment.

Hope your having a wonderful weekend!

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