The last seven days I have been in a fog. I haven’t felt anything but sadness for love lost and so tragically taken. Not that I was seeing him, hadn’t lived with him in years, but the bonds that formed that relationship never really severed. Few people realize that I feel things fully. (Any regular reader maybe learning that by now…but I don’t know where the off switch is.)
Last week I was not in a mood to smile. I was not in a mood to laugh. In fact I was crying and overly emotional most of it. Sad song on the radio or words that had meaning and I lost it…all week last week was that way for me. Ugh…hate that.
My one attempt at requesting jokes from a friend of mine failed terribly. Thanks for that. 😐 But you didn’t know, and still you don’t understand. The only person who actually understood what I was going through and why was Danny (my ex husband.)
Danny – your ability to accept me warts and all still amazes me. You should teach a class in acceptance.
I spent the weekend trying to find my happiness again because the hole I felt in my heart had not closed up. I spent the weekend trying to remember what makes me smile, hoping to remove the hurt from the pit of my stomach.
Turns out that I am not the only one pondering what makes me smile. It’s this weeks prompt from Just Be Enough.
My Boys – Elijah and Michael
I wish I had a picture of all of us together that I could share because it is a huge family, but we are so varied and spread out. Mine and my children’s family tree looks like a 1000 year old oak. This weekend we went to the boys great grandmothers and hung out with her and the aunts for a while, then we went to my sisters for a while, then yesterday we hung out with another part. Also spoke to several family members whose relationships need a diagram to provide an explanation. 😀 Also determined that I need to actually write on my calendar. I am booking events and supposedly attending parties, and I have so many that I forget about them!
The tried and true ones who no matter what stupid stuff I get myself into they are there. I would not be the person I am with out you guys. Anytime I need it you are there with a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to my stories, and always with an encouraging “maybe next time.” You guys are the best. This past Saturday I was at a birthday party laughing and talking and remembering the rest of the world really helped. Thank you guys.
Yes, I am referring to the crazy church. The one where people dance and holler and praise God without any inhibition. I spent about 6 hours with those folks yesterday celebrating 25 years of service by our pastors and I felt so much better afterward. The love and kindness they have shown me makes me want to be the best person I can be. Makes me want to show them that I can walk the walk. By that I don’t mean live perfectly. I mean see the joy in the trials, see God’s hand in the pain, and try to live as commanded in love and forgiveness.
Yes, possibilities make me smile. I am of a thinking nature and any time spent thinking of the things that I have done, am doing, or will do makes me smile. Thinking of the possibilities for the future makes me laugh, smile, and continue to send out good creative thoughts.
The best way to perk someone up when they are down, tell them how lovely they are. After cleaning up the party yesterday a few of us were sitting down drinking coffee and talking when the electricity started to flicker while I was turning off a lamp. A lovely friend of mine said it was my fault for my magnetic smile and electric personality. Haha! Turns out there was a grass fire across the street, but it still made me feel good.
As you wander through your day or week try to remember what makes you smile.
If that is someone you care about let them know. If it is something you like to do, go do it.
Live life deliberately.