The Funk

Trying to bust out of my funk. Why am I in a funk you ask?

Hmm…it’s three fold really.

First, I am divorcing my husband. I have 22 more days and then it will be final…meanwhile…the Texas Attorney General has decided my custody hearing should occur 2 days prior to that. So, before Thanksgiving I will be able to go and do as I please.

There is something both liberating and debilitating about this to me. The finality of all of this is a bit much.

Second, I lost one of the two people on the earth who knew absolutely everything about me. (The other being the man I am divorcing.) This was one of my confidants for a long time, someone who could talk to me, and take care of me even when I didn’t know what I needed. The unknown events surrounding his death have made it hard to take really. He had told a buddy of his that he was ready to end it all, but at the same time he may have just slipped off the curb. Either way the car that struck him was driving down a road that I have to drive down regularly for work. 

Finally, just the general struggle for existence – it is getting better financially, but it won’t be fixed until I can find a better paying position. All of the talk about the underemployed…that’s me. I am not making enough to support the three people in my house on my salary. I am looking for a new gig, there just aren’t many, and there are so many overly qualified people laid off right now that no one wants to give me a shot!

This isn’t for anyone to offer to cover an expense, this is just me telling you about my funk. It’s my funk, no one else’s. So, what am I doing to try to get out of the funk?

Well, for starters, I paid some bills with my grant refund for school. Weight off shoulders. I joined a gym so that I can get some endorphins working during lunch. Loaded my social calendar up with family, church, and other events with my friends. This week I have my niece’s birthday tonight, a friend’s band has a gig Friday, a HFT event Saturday, that is if I skip the Lone Star Rally, but I really want to go to the rally, all followed by a birthday party for one of my oldest friends Saturday night, and as always church Sunday morning.

Aside from that, I think I need to move. I think it would be better for my psyche if I was out of this area. There are so many memories of my life with my husband (both good and horrible), of my friendship that ended badly, then tragically, and just get a fresh start.

A fresh start somewhere in the vicinity of central Texas would be lovely.


3 thoughts on “The Funk

  1. DesiValentine says:

    Oh, no. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    November 1st has been a time of new beginnings for me since high school. I start feeling that sort of itch to clear out my cave and commence migration. For me, though, the feeling passes after a month or so and I start feeling at home, again. I hope you get your new beginning soon. You’re in my thoughts.

  2. Tori Nelson says:

    That’s a lot of life all at once, Megan. It’s pretty understandable that you’d feel some ripple from that. Hang in there. When it rains it certainly does pour, but it can’t pour forever!

    • Megan D. says:

      I keep holding on to that idea. I am trying to stay positive and even if I don’t feel it, I am going with the fake it till I make it approach when out in the world.

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