Not Dating – But Love…

Okay – so about five minutes ago I decided to change my mind from the topic of dating and discuss Love. That simple four letter word that is used for everything from curly fries to passion to our relationship with God.

Obviously the English language is lacking in terms for the many uses of this emotion. As English evolves I hope we develop more terms for this state of being.

Why may you ask did I decide to write about this instead of dating? I seem to have skipped right past the dating and trying people on thing. Well, because this is the goal of dating. Finding that one perfect person that completes and compliments you, and makes you want to try to spend the rest of your life with them.

To be honest, I know this is not EVERYONE’S goal when dating, I am not naive enough to believe that. Some people simply want a physical non-committed non-relationship and that’s fine too. (Fine for them, not for me, but I have covered that before.) I wish I was naive enough to believe it.

Life looks much better through rose-colored glasses.

One of my favorite lines from a movie is in Sleepless in Seattle. David Hyde Pierce’s character tells Meg Ryan’s character, “Annie, when you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.”

Oh – to feel that way is amazing!

Honestly I don’t think I could go through life without a connection like that. (I know it’s my generally passionate nature and my belief in feeling everything completely.) Yet to live in a state of knowing you are perfect for your mate is euphoric.

Have I felt that way? I think so, but at the same time I can help but wonder. The chances of this happening when all the life circumstances mesh two people together in complimentness and passion are simple miracles from God. It’s not possible to deny that these are God things and not our evolutionary senses. Our gut reaction to procreate and populate the planet is not love.

Anyway, these are my simplest of simple beliefs when it comes to finding “the one.” Your one, even if it’s not your first.

1) Absolute ability to not fault them on their past. It’s the past and doesn’t mean it has anything to do with your future.

2) Acceptance of their quirks. Do they write a blog? Do they play music too loud? Do they sing along in the car to every song that comes on? Do they miss phone calls because their enjoying their own moment and don’t want to be bothered by the telephone? We must accept these things about the person we love.

(Oh and those are all examples of me.)

3) Have to be able to talk. Must be able to talk to each other even if the rest of the world could disappear you have to be able to talk to each other.

4) Must be willing to accept someone else’s opinion, even if you don’t agree with it, without argument. If you’re debating or having a friendly banter that is one thing, but don’t argue another simply because their opinion is different from yours. Maybe this is more of a way that you show you love…not necessarily love itself.)

5) Forgiveness. This should maybe be further up the list, but forgiveness is key in any healthy love based relationship. We all have faults. We all have bad days. Forgive us and move on.

I think I am not creating a list of what it means to love, so much as what you do when you are in love. Once you realize you are perfect for one another.

Anyway, the line from Jerry Maguire about “You complete me.” That’s a crock and then again it’s not a crock. It’s not about you missing half of yourself and finding it in the desert. It’s about you finding something you didn’t know was missing. Finding the person who brings you out of your shell or your shadows, and brings light into your world.

It’s the person that compliments you best.

That doesn’t mean that every day they are telling you what a great smile you have or talking about your lovely blue eyes. Don’t get me wrong – those are great to hear, but that is not what I mean. By compliments, I mean it is the one person whose life experiences have created in them a certain pattern of behaviors, judgements, and lifestyle choices that finds someone else whose behaviors, judgements, and lifestyle choices mesh. In each other they find utter happiness and bliss.

Another way to say it is…your scars and my scars sorta work together and make us have no scars.

Sigh – some day…


2 thoughts on “Not Dating – But Love…

    • Megan D. says:

      Thank you! The way I look at it, but the time you are my age you have been through a lot (at least that is my experience) and you come with baggage. When choosing a partner we should find someone whose baggage we can handle just as much as the person. Some people are awesome, amazing people, but they have too much baggage to support a healthy relationship.

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