I am perplexed. I wonder if I am undergoing a re-invention of myself, or possibly just getting the boat moving on realizing my full potential the original invention. If you back track through this blog you will read lots of heart ache, lots of gripping details that probably shouldn’t have been shared, but hey – it’s my blog…it’s whatever I want to write.
I like to stay informed. I like to reach out to people. I like idea sharing. I think about the past to learn from it. I like to read about the future.
About a month ago, more or less, a friend of mine from high school was telling me about his dreams, his future, his ideas of how he could change the world, and his accomplishments (education, degrees, work history, etc.) That got me thinking…and this isn’t the first time I have thought about it…what happened to me changing the world?
I was supposed to accomplish a lot by 30, but I didn’t.
As I explained in The Human Project I had decided that all my pursuits were selfish (way back when). I didn’t really share this thought with anyone else. I simply shied away from anyone who would ask me about my plans for the future. I stayed busy in my extracurriculars, work, and school. I decided that I would tell everyone I was going into the military. Because what else do you do in a small town?
What else do you do when you have absolutely no idea who you want to be and what you want to do?
At the end of high school I graduated toward the top of the class. At the scholarship banquet hosted every year for the graduating seniors I collected a certificate that said I had chosen to go into the military. After chosing to tell people this is what I was going to do, recruiters were at the high school every day trying to get me to sign the dotted line. They bought me lunch, showed me horrible slide shows, pulled ragtag charts out to show me how their branch was the greatest. Ugh – it was tasking. Everyone believed that this was truly what I wanted out of life.
News Flash folks…I don’t believe in war not now, not then.
As with many teenagers I was able to put a veil over the situation (and not think about it) until it was upon me. I ended up at a junior college the following year and a community college the next. I still knew deep down I wanted to do something…but what? I met many fascinating people during this time, and I couldn’t for the life of me decide which avenue I wanted to take. I loved political science classes, but hated showing up to Algebra.
A dry teacher will lose students like me every time.
Thus I foundered.
I lost interest. The tasks that had to be completed to reach the ultimate goal were so torturous that I wouldn’t attend. I found no point in amassing a fortune in debt just to figure out that I would never use my degree. Some people don’t understand why. Why couldn’t I just do it and get it done? Young and stupid are all I’ve been able to come up with.
For all my intellect the danger zone excited me. I wanted life experiences more than I wanted a solid foundation for a future. I had life experiences. Haha…some wonderful, most not so wonderful. I could join the alumni association of the School of Hard Knocks if there actually was such a place. I worked and I got by.
Jump to now – Present day 2012 Houston, TX
Getting by is no longer something I wish to do. It’s actually not really an option for me anymore. Writing this little blog, taking the silence of my current situation, and educating myself in less traditional ways has reignited my passion. So much so that I pound the keyboard every day answering questions, finding new information, seeking to inspire others to make changes in their own lives. I am not sure how I am doing, but all I can do is try. All I can do is start.
In the years I have been getting by I have received some very dull on the job training in some old school industries. Shipping has been around since the advent of ships. Exporting goods to other countries is tense and deadline driven and it’s a job I enjoyed…to a point. Paying bills…wow. The LEAST exciting job on the planet…making sure the invoice matches the purchase order so the bill gets paid, and then update the report that goes to management that they look at for a whole three minutes…that you spent 5 hours working on. I learned a little about marketing while I was in NY. I learned a little about HIPPA, I learned a little about dentistry.
Overall I have learned a lot about what I don’t want to do in my professional life…except maybe shipping…but it’s really the problem solving aspects that speak to me most.
Example: We have a product, we would like to take it to market ——>over here. How do we get the product from A to B?
The way my brain works I want to know what the product is, where it is manufactured here, is it a component of another product, the cost, the quantities requested, the market for this product, the other companies that make this product. I want to see what the end product will be. Who buys, markets and distributes the end product? Do I use the end product? Does it effect the environment? IF the product happened to spill off the ship will it endanger life? Perhaps not my life, but marine life.
So many questions that may or may not have anything to do with the actual shipment, but by asking all these questions I formed relationships with customers that have lasted clear through to today. I showed an interest in them and what they were doing, and now we have a lasting friendship.
In my years of getting by I have used the internet to learn more about the world. I have learned the importance of a good LinkedIn account, that each tweet has the ability to be seen by anyone looking, that Facebook is an excellent tool for networking, but it can also be an excellent tool for our downfall. This little blog has been the adventure of my year…I’m nearing the one year anniversary. (PLEASE don’t read that first post – it was terrible!)
Thus I am perplexed! I am not who I once was, but a combination of the dreamer who quit her dreams to save the world and got lost in it, the girl who loves danger, and the worker looking for her career. Even after all of this I don’t know if I am inventing myself for the first time, reinventing the mess that was, or hoping to finally realize the potential that has existed throughout my adult life. Not surprisingly it’s in the collective that I found something I am truly passionate about, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.
If you like, share your stories below.