As this site is supposed to contain a bit of me and my life, and not just facts and figures, I thought I would take a moment to share a little of life right now.
Currently residing on Conundrum Avenue between This Way and That Way.
I made it through the holiday season with nary a scratch. I got gifts and gave a few. I had a great time with my mother. I don’t know if I will ever explain our relationship on this blog, but let’s say it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. Most mother/daughter dynamics are not, but ours was particularly difficult. (I will leave it at that for now.)
My son’s are getting to big for their britches. Elijah is begging for his own iPod touch. He’s five, he gets the hand me down. Michael is walking, running, talking, and still has not discovered fear. Actually neither of them know what fear is, and I hope they never know real fear.
Fear of life, fear of failure, fear of the world.
I fear not being able to raise them fearlessly.
I fear not being there enough for them to know how much I love them. Someday they will understand.
Right now I am in the midst of having to make a few decisions. Decisions that affect not only me, but them as well, so it makes the decisions 1000 times harder. Ugh!
I am trying to make life easier by making enough money to say…buy groceries. Haha! I find that in these efforts I have applied to no less than 100 jobs and I have had 5 interviews. I am scheduled for another interview Monday. Only it’s not in the town I am trying to move to, it’s here…in smoggy, muggy Houston.
Why move? I thought you had decided to tough it out!? To stay?! I thought you could make a freaking decision?!
Ha! Biggest joke ever! Me make a decision and have it remain concrete until it is action. Not likely. As a person who considers, reconsiders, ponders, and researches choices I have to keep all the balls in the air until the perfect union is made between choice and chance. Call it synchronicity, call it psychosis, call it what you will, but when it comes to me and my life I have to pursue all avenues just in case the one that I would really like to have doesn’t pan out.
What is the one I would like to have?
I would like to move on February 5th to a little town and into a little place that I am going to share with my sister for a while. I would like to work at a software consulting firm that I have tested for, but not interviewed at yet, and eventually move downtown…miles from that consulting firm. I would like to solve problems and write my little blog. I would like to send my sons to a TEA recognized Charter school and then onto a professional occupational high school of their choosing – even if that is the Arts high school. I would like to send my kids to Montessori daycare in the mean time and go to a fabulous park on the weekend with hike and bike trails. Possibly buy a boat and cruise around the lake. Definitely try to find lots of place to volunteer within the community.
Less than 10 days left here at the university, I am excited and nervous and can’t wait to see what happens next.
I will either be here or there. It may seem sudden to the boys, but it will be the right choice…whichever choice I make.