It’s late. I am at my mother’s and my kids are asleep on the couch. I am left in the dark to my thoughts. I am thinking about a great many things. One the fickleness of life and the surrender of ourselves to fate.
Then I hear about Whitney.
It is sad I think that the first thing that sprang to mind as I read on twitter that her publicist announced her passing at 3:30ish this afternoon was the drugs. I wonder what will come in the days ahead. Will we learn that this was drug related?
We are all thinking that…but it really doesn’t matter, she is gone so young. 48 really isn’t all that old. If you think it’s old…then you’re too young to really understand the impact drugs can have on your entire universe. This is what I have learned in my years married to an addict.
We are ALL in recovery.
We may not realize it but we are all overcoming some point in our past that made us make this choice or that to bring us to our present point. We have issues with our childhoods, some real, others imagined. We had the teen angst of the 90’s and the apathy of the generations that have followed. We have mommy and daddy issues, we have abandonment issues, we have sibling rivalry and frenimies.
We are all on some level having to figure out how to get over something.
One of the main problems with addiction is that emotion maturity stops at the onset of the addiction. You aren’t learning sober coping mechanisms; you are learning to numb yourself to your feelings. Pills, Coke, Pot, Alcohol, Food, Sex…the list could go on…these are all addictions that we turn to when we just want to feel happy.
Who doesn’t want to feel euphoric 99% of the time?!
I know I do. I think the difference between my exhusband and myself though is that I learned proper ways to cope and stay in control from a very early age. But I had to…life didn’t really hand me all the good cards. His life was easy and carefree. Yes, he had a stepfather, but he was pretty great. D was always a bit of a rebel.
My personal belief is that it’s in the struggle when people find strength. You have to fight for something to truly appreciate it.
Not everyone’s struggle is the same, some people never will struggle with addiction or with finances, that doesn’t mean that they have fewer problems than the next person, that just means their struggle is different. You might never know what they have been through. It might be just below the surface. It could have been in their past. It could have been surviving cancer as a child.
We never know what another person is struggling with but we do know our own struggles. If you haven’t had a struggle, just know that eventually or really inevitably something will happen that you will have to deal with the emotional roller coaster.
Even as I say that I still know that even the person who has the best luck out there is in recovery. They still feel slighted for some unseen injustice.
We are all in recovery.
Whitney’s passing makes me sad. She has been in recovery, she has been in and out of rehab so many times. People look down on her for her struggle when really she should be praised for trying. She knew she was better, but the addiction was stronger than her spirit. Something was broken inside that she wasn’t allowing to rise to the surface. She squashed it down where it wouldn’t blemish her public persona. Some people would rather be seen as addicts than whatever they really are, so when they get treatment and don’t discuss the core problem. When they don’t allow the therapist to do their job, it festers like a wound earned in battle.
No matter how much time, money, and energy is put into becoming the best you can be if you have a festering wound it will eventually need attention. It will demand your full attention and might kill you.
To be continued…