We all know the story of Barbra Streisand and her stage fright. We don’t really know details as to when it started or how severe it is. We just know that yes, she is an amazing performer, but getting up on stage in front of a live audience scares the shit out of her.
Once upon a time in a land known as my hometown I sang. I could sing in a group or alone, and I had absolutely no problem with it. I sang at most, if not all school events, concerts, spring shows – All of them. I sang in front of hundreds of people. So in the younger years of my life I sang in front of a couple thousand people.
I was good too.
I could do it. I WANTED to do it. I LIVED to do it. I was HAPPY to sing in front of an audience.
Then I grew up, graduated high school, and moved away.
Almost instantaniously I got a shocking case of stage fright. Even at something as cheesy as karaoke I would freeze up, I choked. I was petrified to do this thing that I had been doing for years. I think basically (now anyway) that I wasn’t around a crowd that already expected me to sing well. I didn’t know anyone. I was a teeny tiny fish in a great big pond.
I was having self confidence issues, so to have people I didn’t know being able to judge my vocals with shows like American Idol. Everyone thought they were a critic and everyone liked to impersonate Simon!
It has become apparent that I have become so good at not acknowledging the fact that I can sing that recently when I announced that I was going to have an audition some folks that have known me for a very long time were shocked.
Likewise folks that have known me since my childhood were giving me thumbs up and keep asking where they can see me sing again.
Here’s what’s going on…
Every Sunday morning when I am at church I feel compelled to volunteer, and as a member of our church you get to pick how you want to help. We have a large church I think (between the three campuses) somewhere close to 8,000 people attend each week. So, when you want to say you would like to be part of the praise and worship team, there is a whole auditioning process. I feel this pull to get back to singing and I know that once I get past this audition I will be fine, but for now I am sort of freaking out.
Tomorrow in front of three people that I have never met I am supposed to sing. THREE PEOPLE! You guys have no idea how that makes my stomach knot. I think singing to a crowd is SOOOOOO much easier than singing to THREE PEOPLE!
I am supposed to sound respendent. I am supposed to sound flawless. I am supposed to show up!
I am going to show up. I pray to GOD that my voice shows up.
Practicing, practicing, practicing, and more practicing will be done by me in the next 30 some odd hours. I wish I could have taken tomorrow off of work!
I wish I wasn’t so flippant on song choice. I have songs that I love, but there are songs that just automatically make a person sound better. I have no idea if that is what I chose is the song that will make my voice shine. I chose a song I love. Everyone loves. A singer with an amazing voice sings this song and I know that these people will compare me to her, just because she is so awesome.
Why didn’t I just volunteer to say hello to everyone? A door greeter? Yes! I could do that!
Until Wednesday folks, I will let you know how it goes down.