All the wonders

Twelve months have gone by in a quick succession of rapid fire days and short blissful pauses. January turned to March which turned to November before I knew is it was today. Saturday…the last Saturday in December 2014.

How did this happen? What happened to my sense of time that it feels as thought it should still be January. Not January now, but January 2014.

This year has been so joyous and hopeful that it is a wonder I have survived with my head clear and mind in one piece. Peace.

Peace seems to be an ever changing anomaly. The busier I got this year the clearer my mind got and in turn the clearer my goals became. Some goals…not all. I’m still unclear as to my professional direction in a business with endless possibilities. If only I could be a normal person who didn’t dream dreams the size of Texas and have expectations of a life bigger than it is. However I also want a small life. If that makes sense. I want to do gargantuan amounts of good, but live a life of simplicity.

Dreams of bigger houses aren’t what I want.

Dreams of bringing shelter to the homeless, food to the insecure, selfish dreams of changing lives are purely selfish as much as they are altruistic. I wouldn’t want to do it if it didn’t give me and the person in receipt of the help a smile. If it didn’t make me feel whole. It’s what I dream of though in the quiet moments and loud.

I would also choose a small life in a tiny apartment in the city. Just big enough to have friends over for coffee and muffins or family over for a Sunday dinner. Close to shops so I wouldn’t have to drive and parks so that I could walk around in the grass.

I’m closer at the end of 2014 to seeing these dreams become real. I have gotten to meet like-minded people during the last 12 months. People who want to create a place of peace and community. A sheltering tribe of new friends and colleagues. People who want to see us all reach our potential and see the limitless potential of possibility. I’ve been more active in the community. More excited about the prospects of what is to come.

Beginning in 2015, I will be a steering committee member for my companies non-profit and I will be continuing my role with TEDxYouth@Houston. I had so much fun with each group in 2014 that I can’t wait to see what we do in 2015. I got to do arts and crafts at a group home with some colleagues and help organize the big event for the youth in November. I’m excited.

I took some small advice to heart last year and it helped make it a splendid experience.

If you stop limiting yourself, you can do so much more. You will do things you dreamed because you aren’t holding yourself back because you don’t think you are qualified or you don’t think what you want is valid. Hogwash. It is valid and you can do it.

Repeatedly throughout the years I’ve heard that what you put out into the universe is what you get back. I try to live this way. I try to live better because of past missteps and errors in judgement. I try to see the joy in each moment because at any moment we could be gone. I work each problem as it comes up because if I don’t there is no super hero who will do it for me and the problem will only persist and/or grow.

2014 has been full of wonder.

2015 promises to have just a bit more.

I hope you get to hold the joy of this year’s end near, and embrace the future with an open heart and a clear mind.

Galveston Beach - Sunset September 29, 2013

Galveston Beach – Sunset September 29, 2013

Fearless

This video speaks volumes. This is maybe a video to listen to at least once a day or week. When those of you who are trying to be more than your circumstance are failing in your pursuits.

Fear is humbling, crippling, it is letting what ever is wrong in your life rule your life.

We need to not allow fear to rule. We need to be fearless. We need to know that we are better than what is going on around us and rise to the occassion.

I am terrified of so much, but what if I make the effort to be fearless. What if I accept that there is no fear and just begin to fulfill my dreams fearlessly?

What would happen if I was fearless?!

The question at the end of the video is do you know where you are going??

I can say with out a doubt, I haven’t got a freaking clue! How can I be fearless if I don’t know!?

I have two paths that I could take.

In one (my safe path) I am a counselor…in about 4 years. I work while my boys are at school and schedule life around their activities. I don’t know if I am married or not. Currently not, so I don’t plan for things that aren’t in reality. I hover somewhere in the middle class, probably still closer to the bottom than the top, but I’m raising kids and saving to fulfill their dreams.

The fearless path is a bit different all together. In this path I finish my novel. (I write fiction…maybe sometime I will post something. I have started a gothic novel and what I suppose is chick lit.) In this fearless path I have an agent who is prompting me to finish and publish this fabulously edited book, my fifth or so, and I am living my life on my terms on my own. My boys are in artsy schools (or whatever school they want), not the local public branch of teach to the test that is here. In my fearless path I am traveling all summer, every summer, and even during the year. All made possible by that mad dillusion of a best selling novel.

But who is to say that if I don’t make the effort to fulfill the dillusion it wouldn’t happen? Who is there telling me that my writing isn’t good enough? Me.

There is that saying, “I have seen the enemy and the enemy is me.”

Totally live that.

I think my goal for this next year is to try to be fearless. (Continue with school and work and the life less traveled…but to at the very minimum TRY to be fearless.)

FEARLESS…the very word makes me shutter. Speaking to people I don’t already know and having to come up with pleasant topics of conversation or answer a question!? Ahhh!

Now is the time to put on the big girl pants and head out and conquer this world with no fear.

Good luck to you who choose to be Fearless as well.