Why Do We Believe the Lies?

Why do we believe lies?

Why do we want to believe that everything said to us is the truth?

Maybe not for you, but for me…I always want to believe in the good in people.

I want to believe that their actions are for the best. I know that my actions aren’t always for the best, so why do I believe that others are that way?

Tonight I was watching the movie, “An Education” with a girl the same age as Carrie Mulligan’s character.

The film brings certain ideals to the surface.

Which, is why I ask, “Why do we want to believe lies?”

I remember thinking when I was 16 that certain things were just givens.

Wait for sex until marriage.

Go to college and grad school.

Complete a kick-ass dissertation getting a PhD.

Wait until I was 30 or older to get married. (Yep wait that long for sex too.)

Then there were my beliefs.

I automatically believed in the good in all people.

Mean people didn’t exist.

Cruelty had no place in my life so it wouldn’t have existed either.

Alcoholism was a TV character.

Drug addicts we also characters from some far off film studio.

Abuse and Divorce I knew about, but I didn’t think they would ever have an effect on my future.

I knew I would choose the perfect guy, get married, and never ever get a divorce.

That meant failure and I hadn’t ever really failed at anything to that point.

There was no way I would fail at the most important decision in your life!

Careers come and go, but the man by your side, who was to walk hand in hand with you forever, THAT was the most important thing.

No, I’m not having a “How did I get here” moment. I already know.

It’s just that tonight my movie watching friend said something along the lines of “I will never make that choice.”

For those who have seen the movie it is at the end of their first weekend away. The charming, older male lead and his cohort walk out of a house with a stolen map. She questions his morality and hers the remainder of the car ride home.

This is after he lies to get her to stay with him the weekend. Lies about having attended University, lies about knowing C.S. Lewis. Lies that she assists in facilitating because then she gets to have a really fun weekend. At the end of the scene he lies some more and changes her mind about how bad he really is…how morally depraved he had become since his idealized days as a teenager.

He lied.

She believed him.

She forgave and let him caress her check.

WHY DO WE DO THAT?!

Carrie Mulligan’s character believes that her moments of happiness are more important than the lies.

“An Education”

It certainly is.

Anyone who has had a taste, a smidgeon, of this education can attest.

It is this education that breaks down your very core. It’s the one that we get lost and need help to finding our way out.

I wonder if there is a way to prevent the inevitable.

I wonder if some men have an internal system, let’s call it a 6th sense, about gullible women. Gullible girls who will do or say whatever is necessary to maintain the affections of a man.

I was one of these girls…for the most part I still am.

The young(ish) romantic girl always wanting to believe the good in people.

I wonder…

Is there a radar system that we women can create to make ourselves remember the important parts to life when blinded by something bright and shiny?

Is there a way for women to not believe the lies?

Is there a way to keep us from lying to ourselves?

Then there is the fact that sometimes you do outgrow this…except where that area of the heart is inhabited by the original liar.

Despite anything they put us through we still want to believe them. We still have a soft spot for their depravity. For some it’s the opposing force to their happiness is our belief in their untruths and we let it happen.

I hate the lying, but more over I hate that I always want to believe them!

End bloggy rant…if you have any sage advice please leave it in the comments.

20130618-230800.jpg

Advertisements

Does a forever love exist?

Today is a momentus occassion…my 100th post! Yay!!!

To make a really glorious impact I was going to write about attitude and gratitude and try to influence your Thanksgiving charity work.

Instead I have been pondering the reality of love. AND I would like to start out with something funny, so please – DO NOT be offended! Thank you.

Something I found on “Well Medicated Single Mommy” on Facebook the other day.

A girl in my women’s group told a story yesterday of a man who left his wife after 20 years of marriage because she was crippled by a stroke. In her greatest time of need, when the vows should matter most, he skates. That event in her life, she is one of the woman’s caregivers, has prompted my friend to question whether you can really love someone forever. Whether vows mean anything to anyone anymore.

Our group has differing opinions on whether forever exists in reality or in theory. One of my best gal pals says that it is due to our instant gratification bend in society. When things are challenging we no longer have to tough it out. In all honesty I think she might be right…to a point.

We are a world of microwaves, fast cars, incredible changes, easy access to sex, drugs, porn, and all manner of other unspeakables that pull at our attention until we no longer follow a well thought out path. We react instead of act and love falls into that category. We tell people that we love them, but are not “IN” love with them. Some people change partners like they do their underwear.

Loving the acts of love more than the emotions that should be involved.

I don’t shy from emotion. It’s life-blood. It makes my heart race and stomach flip-flop. I long to be in love. Perhaps not realistic love because we all know The Notebook was pure fantasy, but non-the-less that’s how I long to feel. I want to feel needed, longed for, and hoped for, and I want someone to know what I want more than I do. It is quite possible that Danny was that for me…at least for a while…but I have hopes that someone more amazing will be there for me for the rest of my days. 

I want love, respect, honesty, friendship, trust, the ability to communicate, and physical compatibility, with God as the cornerstone of the relationship. I think it’s only with all of those things that you can find the one who is supposed to be with you forever.

Without a faith in something greater than yourself, you will faulter.

Others in response to the question I posed on Facebook said:

**Yes. I think the problem is that we have such idealistic and unrealistic ideas about what that should be and don’t realize it’s often unconventional, but it does exist.

**Yep, if you’re a dog lover. lol

** Only with your children and God. The other kind is hollywood and bs.

**Yes. But it’s a choice. It isn’t easy, and you have to work at it every day, but it’s worth it. Every tear and every smile make it stronger.

**OH YES, You need to KNOW my wife to understand why it is possible for me to KNOW this.

**Yes…I think that once you truly love someone, you always love them. But loving someone & being committed to a healthy relationship with them that you intend on taking to forever are two different things. Gosh, Meg, such a complicated question. I may have to send you a more detailed explanation of my views on this via email. 🙂

How is it that so many have become so jaded? What is it that makes the others believe in it?

I think it is their faith. A belief in God, which is in essence, a belief in love. God (as I understand him) is love. God is who holds our hearts in wait until the right person comes along with the key. At least, after I had to let my marriage go that is where I have placed my heart.

I have been reading another book, as I am prone to do…and in it is a gorgeous poem. One with a message that I think we need reminding of.

Within my heart a garden grows
Wild with violets and fragrant rose.
Bright daffodils line the narrow path
My footsteps silent as I pass.
Sweet tulips nod their heads in rest,
I kneel in prayer to seek God’s best.
For round my garden a fence stands firm
To guard my heart so I can learn
Who should enter and who should wait
On the other side of my locked gate.
I clasp the key around my neck
And wonder if the time is yet
If I unlocked the gate today
Would he come in or run away?
I do not want to hold this key
Lord, will You keep it safe for me?
Then when he comes
If he’s the one
You’ll unlock the gate
Until then, I’ll wait.

That is from the book, A Promise is Forever, by Robin Jones Gunn. It’s not the book I am reading, but that’s where it was quoted originally.

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with 2 faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into 2 separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves….”

Unlike some my belief in God doesn’t keep me from exploring the other paths of spirituality, so I can totally understand the mythological perspective. Who will be that other half? If I knew, would I be typing this blog or too busy with the one I love to be so internal?? I would hope for the latter…

Dana sent her longer version of love to me, so I will simply quote her here, because what she said is pretty much nailing it on the head…

“In response to your question on Facebook, I do believe there is a forever type of love beyond what we experience with God, our children, and our family. But I do not believe that one can find that sort of love in someone who does not love them back. Love depends on reciprocation, and, to quote an amazing country song, “it’s only love when you’re loved in return.” The reason – love is all or nothing. Not only do you have to be willing to give it, but you have to be willing and able to receive it. Once you reach that level of devotion with someone else, I don’t think that ever goes away. Can the person go away, sure, but they take a piece of your heart and soul with them. I stated earlier that I believed there was a difference between loving someone and being in a committed, lasting relationship. I’m not sure that statement is so true. That commitment, that yearning to experience life with someone, that unrelenting desire to please the other person – the very ingredients of true love – are also the definition of a committed relationship, I think. I’m not sure that one can exist without the other for any lenth of time.”

YOUR TURN:

Does a forever kind of love exist?

Is honoring your vows real?

If you can’t fulfill your vows what influenced that decision?

Even if you have been down the road of divorce do you still believe?

Life after Rehab – Parenthood – In-Between – Video

Parenthood – In-Between – Video – http://www.nbc.com.

I hope that comes through when I post this. It is seriously something that I fear. Honestly. Completely. I fear life after rehab with my ex-husband.

Why?

Because like Seth’s character in Parenthood, once my exhusband stops drinking he is amazing. He is an amazing man whose generousity and ability to love know no bounds.

This isn’t the codependance talking, this is reality.

This is the reality we face every time he gets out of rehab.

This is why I chose him. He is an amazing person with a fantastic view of life and an ability to speak and communicate.

This is the tragedy in a marriage such as ours. Together because the love is there but so broken because of the addiction. The addiction controls all.

I love this show. It’s an amazing show and anyone who doesn’t watch it is missing out. It’s like someone is scripting the lives within my family. Or at least in my part of my family. I think I could name all the characters relationships within my own life.

Like Sarah’s character I will struggle with the love I feel for the rest of forever. We love broken people and no matter if we can live with them or not we struggle with our emotions. We struggle to remain distant.

Anyway, been struggling with this lately and its weird that the only way I can give an example is to provide a clip from a TV show.  This is the whole show. It’s an hour. You’ve been warned.