Christmas 2013

It’s Christmas Eve. Friends and families are gathering, waiting for Jolly Old Saint Nick. Kids and bigger kids ever so eager to open their gifts.

Tonight parents and grandparents are wrapping gifts and welcoming visitors, trying to settle everyone for this holiday. It’s truly a gorgeous celebration that brings out the best in us.

Tonight reveling in the delight of a small Christmas miracle I’m thinking of the Christmas’ past in my life.

I have been feeling the dull ache of the season as a single person. No longer hollow, but still lonely. The kind of lonely that only other people divorced after a decade of togetherness will understand.

Christmas was Danny’s holiday.

We would spend the day with his family. Since age 20 I’ve spent few holidays with my family always content to keep with his family traditions. It was while blaring Shinedown driving way too fast home trying to drown out the ache that I made this realization. I burst into tears and was thankful no one could see me.

The terrible thing about this gorgeous holiday is that it brings back the pain that you thought was gone. The ache the loneliness. The anger. And you don’t know if you’re angry at the person or yourself.

Of all the times all year long that you just do your routine and think little of the other person who used to help manage your life this is the time of the year for the painful reminder of them missing. It really doesn’t matter what the reality was like at the time our minds fix it and we romanticize the past…we wonder what could have been if they had been a little more flexible or if you had been more tolerant. You daydream and convince yourself that just maybe…

But it’s not real. It will never be real so we cling to reality. The reality of the situation is all that matters.

My reality is that for all the promise the past held it got shattered, but it left me with the two brightest beacons of hope…my sons. I do not get to do things perfectly for them even if I would like to, the job that I work too much at for too little keeps the bills paid, but severely lacking in the gift giving ability department.

This Christmas I thought I had it figured out, but still came up short. While out for gifts I had gone up and down the aisles picking things out, hoping, praying I could get them everything they wanted. I know I can’t get them everything, but I can adjust their lists to fit my meager budget. By the time I left I had a few items that I had to leave behind.

There was no way I could afford them and God knows that I’m not going to spend every penny I have on Christmas.

Christmas is – in my religious tradition – about God…a celebration of the eternal, a celebration of birth and life and giving…but not of gifting. Give in ways large or small, but that is very different from gifting.

Anyway, I left it to God.

He replied…

When I came home this evening (after crying my eyes out in the car) I walked in the house and my babysitter had a surprise. Someone – I don’t know her name, but she works for Joshua Tree – had given the boys gifts.

Even now as I type it I have tears, because it’s all the things that I had looked at but couldn’t afford to buy.


It seems that God guided the hand of a perfect stranger.

For as sad as I felt in the car before I arrived home, from loneliness and pain, I felt awed. I have no other word for it, but awe. I’m encouraged and blessed beyond words at this person’s kindness and I wish I could express how eternally grateful I feel.

There are so many things I could say, but they just seem lacking.

However I needed to share this with you all to perhaps give you a whisper of prayers answered. It’s a strange thing God’s been doing so openly lately in so many areas of my life. I just had to share.

From me and my family to yours I’d like to wish you a very blessed and Merry Christmas!!


What a difference a year makes!

I almost feel like I should apologize for my absence. I have been away too long. I will try to get better about this work/life balance thing. It’s just not as easily as it reads.

I have been thinking about where I was at this time last year and how much has changed in the last 12 months. Also about how much life is going to continue to improve in the next 12.

I can confirm the power of prayer.

I know you all remember the posts, the sadness, the written prayers for guidance and relief.

Turns out – God is listening.

Last year I had lost one of my best friends, was barely scraping by financially and barely holding it together mentally…scratch that. I wasn’t holding it together at all.

I was frustrated and lost and broke beyond words.

All I could think about was what could have been. I couldn’t see my light and I was having problems recognizing the parts of life that made me happy. I always asked myself how could so much happen to me in a year that my life and my self were completely unrecognizable?!

I think for me the answer lies in strength. I had to find strength to be alone. Strength to know that I could climb the mountain…metaphorically speaking.

I had to be willing to forgive the hurts totally and completely.

Who am I?

Another big question 12 months ago…I think this will always be a question for me because I learn and evolve daily. I am not set in my ways. I don’t believe that my way is the only way – even if sometimes I say it is.

Perhaps knowing this about me also answers the question.

A year ago I did not know that I could change so completely with little internal effort. I prayed.

I sat up at night crying into my hands praying for God to show me the way. I laid my burdens down and begged him to fix me.

I remember saying, “I quit! I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what to do. I have no money. No new job possibilities. No food. No furniture. It’s all in your hands now. You guide me. You lead me. I am depleted.”

I think we all know this feeling, the hollow emptiness that creeps into our souls. It saps our strength and makes us question our every intention. Total vulnerability and despair.

I don’t know if I had ever done that before, placed my every thought, possession and fiber of my being in to God’s hands. I really can’t remember a time when I allowed myself to be so out of control with myself. Spiritually speaking, of course.

The changes came slowly.

First it was my attitude toward the situation. I could either continue to wallow in the pit of despair or I could pick myself up and start all over again.

So, I picked myself up. I did the daily routine. I forced myself to take the kids to the park, make play dates, bake cookies, clean house. All of those things that normal people take for granted.

And I prayed for strength.

I read books on codependency. How could I change this about myself if I didn’t know the behaviors that had been used to describe my life of 10 years?

I educated myself.

Next (about three months later) I realized I couldn’t do the daily grind at the university anymore and I quit. Granted I had a different life in mind when I quit…but what does that matter now. Point was I was unhappy; I was useless in the role I was in because I wasn’t busy. I can do a lot of things all the time or I can do nothing all the time, but remembering to do one thing once a month about drove me mad and I never remembered to do it. So, let’s face it…because I didn’t like being bored, I did a terrible job.

I prayed. God showed me my escape and I left.

I wrote.

March 2012 was the busiest month ever on this little blog. I went to Starbuck’s and wrote, almost every week day. I started a book or two and got to know how I felt about being me.

I found self-confidence…it had been missing for a while.

I prayed, God started to light my path.

A week into my employment sojourn I started to reapply to every temporary agency that I had ever heard of. I worked it. I went to interviews and submitted resumes; met lots of rising stars in corporate Houston. None of them wanted me.

So I stopped trying so hard.

I went into Accountemps one day in a last ditch effort to find anything. I redid all the testing I had done the year before. I took a new typing test. I filled out paperwork for hours. I looked up phone numbers I hadn’t called in years.

I sat quietly in a room until a man I had never met walked in and got to judge me.

I prayed.

God listened.

Evan got to play God for me that day. Apparently my resume was good enough to send to a few places, so I sat a while. I left with two interviews with companies the very next day.

I prayed. “God…I’m almost out of money again. Show me the way.”

I wrote about it I am sure.

I was a new person by every measure of the word. New attitude toward people and life. New outlook and fresh perspective. I was happy to be young. I was happy to be a mother. I was ready to embark on the world and make something of me. At least in my little corner of the world.

I prayed some more and went to the first interview.

Two nice guys with a logistics firm not too far from my tiny apartment.

I left with a job if I wanted one.

“God show me. God lead me.”

I arrived for the next interview a little early, but not too early. It was in a run down old bank in a small town near my small town. A ten minute drive every day and I could be at work. It was perfect.

What was I looking for?

A job in purchasing or logistics that could use my experience but not one that was too big and would have lost the human element. A place I could grow into. A place that would keep me busy. A place that felt like home.

The second interview wasn’t much of an interview, more of an in depth job description and run down of duties. I explained my past experiences and left feeling pretty good about it.

I called Evan when I got to my car and told him that if they wanted me, I wanted this job.

Not even five miles down the road and I had a job that started the next week. I was ecstatic!

Prayers answered!

I have been busier than I ever imagined since beginning in April. If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know just how busy I mean. I am working 50 hours a week and have enough work for 80 hours a week!

But I have a life. I have a family that needs me and I want to want to be at work while I am at work.

I am breathing easier.

A few months ago the boys and I changed apartments within our complex so that we could all have a little more space.

Another prayer answered.

We’ve been able to employ one of our dearest friends so that she has a job that allows her the flexibility to live the life she wants and the love for my kids that I have. A person I trust explicitly.

Another prayer answered.

I have new prayers these days, but mostly prayers of Thanksgiving.

I know I have been absent lately, but I feel so blessed and happy that I can not begin to express how thankful I am.

Thank you God and my family for all that you have brought me through in the past year or so. With you my life has been a miracle.

Happy Thanksgiving you guys!

How do I want it to feel?

Second post for the day is an answer to Danielle Laporte’s Burning Question.

How do you want it to Feel?

As I sit here in my past I know exactly how I want life to feel. There is no question that I want to feel all of it.

The life – the essence – the emotion.

The feelings of peace, happiness, and contentment; at the same time sorrow, sadness, and heartbreak.

I can’t understand why so many want to numb themselves to the feelings of life.

I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to express and savor the many facets of existence. But as I type I know that so many do not.

It is too painful.

It is too blissful.

It is too bi-polar.

How do I want it to feel?

Like ice cream melting on a sunny day, becoming one with the earth and the smiles of happy children.

I want it to feel like carmel and chocolate, sensual and sweet.

I want it to feel like moonlight on the gulf, turbulent and swirling…peaking and ebbing.

I want my future success to feel like banana bread.

Banana bread?

Yes, firm and solid, sweet and satisfying. I want to be able to make it and share it and give it away. I want enough for myself and enough to give to my friends and family.

I want for myself to feel like sunshine, warm and freely giving. Lighting the path in light and in dark.

How do I want it to feel?

I want it to feel amazing.

The Morning After

The world looked a little brighter this morning. My apartment was clean. My kids were bathing. I even woke up at 6 am without the alarm! Shocking!

Yesterday was a great day. I disabled Facebook and joined the WordPress censorship blackout. I spent the day listening to TED talks and joining various debates and conversations. I took a test for a job that I have applied for and I have no idea if I did a good job or not, but working the math muscles that I haven’t used since I was 12 was fun! (I took the hard math classes in school. Simple fractions and word problems I haven’t done since 1992!)

What was so great about yesterday? 18 Senators revoked their support for the “Stop Online Piracy Act” and the “Protect IP Act” – this is amazing. Not only that but somewhere in the neighborhood of 4.5 million people signed petitions to let their voice be heard.

I watched the speech of Clay Shirky at TED yesterday as he explained the dangers of SOPA. Here it is for you to watch.

I watched the Mikko Hypponen speech on the three tyes of online attacks. Stay informed…watch this…

I also watched the video of Larry Lessig from 2007 that covers the topic “Laws that choke creativity”

As well as another speech from Clay Shirky from 2005. Facebook wasn’t even out to the masses yet, it was still a MySpace world. The differences between collaboration and institutions.

These were amazing speeches that covered pretty much this topic.

                “The world is changing, as it changes so must we. We are connected now more than ever before and as time passes we will continue to grow closer together. We must adjust our way of doing things and learn new methods. We must share our research and information and not hoard it. There was a time with idea sharing was difficult, but that is not now.”

Also I watched the UH Professor Brene Brown’s speech on Wholeheartedness. That’s a speech that would make you feel alive…or at least recharge your batteries. Her original research was on human connection. The internal workings that make us human. What is it about us that makes us different from every other species on the planet? We experience vulnerability. It is as we recognize our vulnerability that we are able to take the next step into wholehearted.

Anyone who knows me personally knows that wholehearted is how I live. Heck if you have been reading this blog long enough you know that. I encourage you to look within yourselves and find that place at which you can live with your entire heart.

Yesterday was a great day by all accounts and today is the morning after. I have courageously decided to hand in notice this afternoon…I’m without livable apartment or permanent childcare at the moment and life has reached the tipping point. Either realize my potential or stay here and stagnate and watch the courage to live disappear. Today is going to be a great day. Enjoy it!

Revised Christmas Letter 2011

The cynic in me wrote yesterday’s Christmas Letter, thus a revision is necessary.

Dear Friends and Family,

2011 has been a trying year, but I am grateful for it. There are some things I learned and some people I am eternally grateful to have in my life all because of 2011.

I am stronger than I think I am. There, I said it. You never know what you can face until you face it and progress in life.

I can survive a week with no money. Ask me how…I share trade secrets.

I have it so much better than so many other people…in the grand scheme of things as bad as my year was it could have been worse. It actually was worse for plenty of people in the world. For plenty of people that I know.

I think it is important to accept your circumstance whatever it is. I figured out how to do that this year. I think it has to happen as we grow as people because if you can’t accept yourself who else should?

January taught me that I can drive in a blizzard.

February taught me how to put faith in other people.

March taught me not to trust all landlords at their word.

April taught me to take it one day at a time.

May taught me that settling isn’t always the best road to take.

June taught me that I can do anything I have to do whether I want to or not.

July taught me that I really should have spent a little more time in the sun, day-glow legs…wow.

August taught me that I know absolutely nothing about the public school system, but that’s okay.

September taught me how to have respect for myself. I am not the same person I used to be.

October taught me how broken feels…I don’t have a good lesson from October.

November taught me that I can express compassion to someone I loath simply because I should.

December…December has taught me about the strength of friends. When you have people by your side you can feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof.

On the whole there are a few people who I need to recognize for making this year better, because really without them I would be so lost…and these are in no particular order.

Simmoni – You guys may have read about Sim in my periodic series Phenomenal Female Friday. She really is the most amazing friend and has helped me keep perspective over the last year.

My Mom – She was the first in the PFF series, and she has helped me in many, many ways. I hope as the years pass our relationship continues to grow.

My Sisters – They are also my friends. They keep me entertained, watch my kids, and Malorie feeds me and saves me when I need it. I have AAA now, but there have been some days when I didn’t. 🙂

Dana – She has let me sleep on her couch, use her house as my house, store my belongings in various rooms and driven me around to simply pass the time. She is a sister, even if I have divorced her brother. I am blessed to have you.

My family – As a whole and on their own my entire family has been a blessing to me this year. I have gotten to catch up with most and can’t wait to see how we all grow in the next year.

My Church – Without my church I know that I wouldn’t have made it through this year. They have provided food when I had none, money when I needed gas, and support when I felt hopeless. They have even provided me with my own Christmas miracle, because of them I get to actually give my boys a few gifts. Fewer after the car debacle, but they get gifts none the less!

My Friends – All you guys are amazing. You are encouraging. You are helpful. You are the ones that see me cry and give me hugs. Thank you.

My Scary Mommies – If you don’t know what those are it is okay. We know who we are. We know the power of the Scary Mommy Army. Because of these women and our network I have seen amazing things happen in the lives of women and children across the nation. Over Thanksgiving you guys may have seen the piece ABC ran on Jill Smokler, Scary Mommy #1. Because of Jill and SM’s across the nation we fed 14,000 families Thanksgiving dinner. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendships and your support, Meg.

Mike – You know who you are. You know how you helped. Thank you. You’re an incredible human being and I pray for much success for you.

Tricia and Tori – You ladies have supported the bloggy journey I have been on this year and are always encouraging and commenting. Thank you!

One I’d like to name, but ever (eye roll) vigilant of your privacy I won’t. 😛 I miss talking to you, but such is life, one of us hurt the other and I am still not sure who.

I know I am leaving people out. It is not that I don’t remember your kindness. I am grateful to you. I appreciate you and I’m glad you’re in my life.

To surmise 2011, I have to say it’s been crazy, but I have felt blessed the whole time. I have felt prayers and God’s hand in every thing. I know that some how life will be amazing in the days and years to come.

Much love and many blessings to you all this Christmas season.


A Dream

Soft, linens line the bed, several shades of white, ecru, and eggshell. Each to enhance the other, and counter the warm sage walls of the room’s interior. Rustic white book shelves line the walls in this room filled with books and memories and forgotten toys. There is a big comfy white chair in the corner, covered with a brilliant red throw blanket and a set of discarded clothes. On the floor is a plush woven rug in muted shades of red, white, and sage.

On the walls are photos of our happy family, my gorgeous blonde boys and myself. (Of course as this is a dream) I am perfect and happy and holding the hands of a man who at the moment I do not know. The photo is black and white and I am smiling one of those smiles that can only exist in true joy. I see by his back that he is taller than me, light-colored hair and broad-shouldered. But that is all that I know.

In the distance, through the open window, I can hear wind chimes fluttering in the breeze. Their delicate twinkling song my true alarm on this particular morning. My eyes pause momentarily watching the curtain dancing in the wind.

Blinking, my eyes turn at the pat, pat, pat of feet on the wooden surface of the floor as my darling baby boy comes down the hall to my room.

I smile as a second pair of feet join the pat, pat, pat down the hall. These more determined. The feet of my older son, come to wake me.

Just then an arm comes to encircle me and hold me tight with a light kiss on my cheek as we wait. It is one of the softest, most reassuring of life’s bliss kisses. I turn to my love and I smile, but the door opens just the same. In bound my two beautiful boys. I never see the man.

Wouldn’t it be nicer of fate to have shared that tidbit?

I dream of happiness. Contentment. A place of being that is mine and that I share. I do not fear that it will never happen for me. I just hate the waiting. We spend our lives waiting for something to happen. Just as we expect something to change, we suffer a mild disappointment and start waiting again.

What do you dream? What do you wait on? Try to remember, write it down and think about what it means to you. Who cares what a book says, what does it mean to you.

Does a forever love exist?

Today is a momentus occassion…my 100th post! Yay!!!

To make a really glorious impact I was going to write about attitude and gratitude and try to influence your Thanksgiving charity work.

Instead I have been pondering the reality of love. AND I would like to start out with something funny, so please – DO NOT be offended! Thank you.

Something I found on “Well Medicated Single Mommy” on Facebook the other day.

A girl in my women’s group told a story yesterday of a man who left his wife after 20 years of marriage because she was crippled by a stroke. In her greatest time of need, when the vows should matter most, he skates. That event in her life, she is one of the woman’s caregivers, has prompted my friend to question whether you can really love someone forever. Whether vows mean anything to anyone anymore.

Our group has differing opinions on whether forever exists in reality or in theory. One of my best gal pals says that it is due to our instant gratification bend in society. When things are challenging we no longer have to tough it out. In all honesty I think she might be right…to a point.

We are a world of microwaves, fast cars, incredible changes, easy access to sex, drugs, porn, and all manner of other unspeakables that pull at our attention until we no longer follow a well thought out path. We react instead of act and love falls into that category. We tell people that we love them, but are not “IN” love with them. Some people change partners like they do their underwear.

Loving the acts of love more than the emotions that should be involved.

I don’t shy from emotion. It’s life-blood. It makes my heart race and stomach flip-flop. I long to be in love. Perhaps not realistic love because we all know The Notebook was pure fantasy, but non-the-less that’s how I long to feel. I want to feel needed, longed for, and hoped for, and I want someone to know what I want more than I do. It is quite possible that Danny was that for me…at least for a while…but I have hopes that someone more amazing will be there for me for the rest of my days. 

I want love, respect, honesty, friendship, trust, the ability to communicate, and physical compatibility, with God as the cornerstone of the relationship. I think it’s only with all of those things that you can find the one who is supposed to be with you forever.

Without a faith in something greater than yourself, you will faulter.

Others in response to the question I posed on Facebook said:

**Yes. I think the problem is that we have such idealistic and unrealistic ideas about what that should be and don’t realize it’s often unconventional, but it does exist.

**Yep, if you’re a dog lover. lol

** Only with your children and God. The other kind is hollywood and bs.

**Yes. But it’s a choice. It isn’t easy, and you have to work at it every day, but it’s worth it. Every tear and every smile make it stronger.

**OH YES, You need to KNOW my wife to understand why it is possible for me to KNOW this.

**Yes…I think that once you truly love someone, you always love them. But loving someone & being committed to a healthy relationship with them that you intend on taking to forever are two different things. Gosh, Meg, such a complicated question. I may have to send you a more detailed explanation of my views on this via email. 🙂

How is it that so many have become so jaded? What is it that makes the others believe in it?

I think it is their faith. A belief in God, which is in essence, a belief in love. God (as I understand him) is love. God is who holds our hearts in wait until the right person comes along with the key. At least, after I had to let my marriage go that is where I have placed my heart.

I have been reading another book, as I am prone to do…and in it is a gorgeous poem. One with a message that I think we need reminding of.

Within my heart a garden grows
Wild with violets and fragrant rose.
Bright daffodils line the narrow path
My footsteps silent as I pass.
Sweet tulips nod their heads in rest,
I kneel in prayer to seek God’s best.
For round my garden a fence stands firm
To guard my heart so I can learn
Who should enter and who should wait
On the other side of my locked gate.
I clasp the key around my neck
And wonder if the time is yet
If I unlocked the gate today
Would he come in or run away?
I do not want to hold this key
Lord, will You keep it safe for me?
Then when he comes
If he’s the one
You’ll unlock the gate
Until then, I’ll wait.

That is from the book, A Promise is Forever, by Robin Jones Gunn. It’s not the book I am reading, but that’s where it was quoted originally.

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with 2 faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into 2 separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves….”

Unlike some my belief in God doesn’t keep me from exploring the other paths of spirituality, so I can totally understand the mythological perspective. Who will be that other half? If I knew, would I be typing this blog or too busy with the one I love to be so internal?? I would hope for the latter…

Dana sent her longer version of love to me, so I will simply quote her here, because what she said is pretty much nailing it on the head…

“In response to your question on Facebook, I do believe there is a forever type of love beyond what we experience with God, our children, and our family. But I do not believe that one can find that sort of love in someone who does not love them back. Love depends on reciprocation, and, to quote an amazing country song, “it’s only love when you’re loved in return.” The reason – love is all or nothing. Not only do you have to be willing to give it, but you have to be willing and able to receive it. Once you reach that level of devotion with someone else, I don’t think that ever goes away. Can the person go away, sure, but they take a piece of your heart and soul with them. I stated earlier that I believed there was a difference between loving someone and being in a committed, lasting relationship. I’m not sure that statement is so true. That commitment, that yearning to experience life with someone, that unrelenting desire to please the other person – the very ingredients of true love – are also the definition of a committed relationship, I think. I’m not sure that one can exist without the other for any lenth of time.”


Does a forever kind of love exist?

Is honoring your vows real?

If you can’t fulfill your vows what influenced that decision?

Even if you have been down the road of divorce do you still believe?

My truth…(Just.Be.Enough Monday)

My truth…what’s my truth about me…I have been reading all the posts today and have thought of a hundred or so ways to spin it, but I have settled on this list.

Here are some random facts about me and/or the way I believe.

1) My all time favorite book is Tara Road, by Maeve Binchey. It’s entirely to do with the storyline and plot, and little to do with the prose.

2) I have an ever-changing philosophy of life, love, and the path to happiness.

3) There are some people who I love just as much as I dislike them. Well, maybe not their entire person, but some of the internal parts of their person.

4) Love and Marriage are not one in the same. You can have love or you can have marriage, but a marriage with a person you are in love with is amazing.

5) Sometimes the only way to perk me up is to put on some RHCP or Foo Fighters. I think back to when I was young and carefree, and before life started to take its course. Then I can drag myself up out of the mire long enough to look around and say, “Hey, I’ve got it pretty good.”

6) I have been struggling with a deep depression lately. Like piles of laundry depression where even though I’ve taken the steps to make sure everything is clean I don’t really care if it makes it to the shelves and closets. My dishes are done, but only because after moving from 2000 miles away I only purchased what was needed to exist. I don’t have the option of letting it pile up.

7) I don’t generally believe people when they say I am beautiful. You can say it and I can say thank you and there maybe times when I think you could be right, but rarely and never all the time.

8 ) I have 4 pairs of black flats.

9) As much as I complain about being a chubby girl I do so little to change the fact that it’s laughable. I joined a new gym last week, so we will see how that works. So far, I haven’t been back.

10) I would love to plan weddings. I think they are beautiful. I would love to plan big ornate weddings. If I couldn’t plan them I would love to bake the cakes for them or provide the catering. Making something beautiful is just something I love to do.

11) I start doing lots of things, but it’s only the things I am very passionate about that I see through to the end.

12) I want to one day own a business of my own. Not a Mary Kay or Avon type business, but a business with a building and customers. I think it would be a blast to own a bar and have musicians play and people hang out and have fun. Then again I would love a bed and breakfast. I worked in B&B’s for several years and love that you can live in beauty and provide a place of beauty to people 24/7. Love that.

My favorite place that I ever worked was Ant Street Inn in Brenham, TX. I worked there while going to school. I often dreamed that one day I could own a place similar to it. But in my dream, the restaurant/breakfast room down stairs was a sound proofed bar where people wanted to hang out. (Here’s a link if you want to check it out. )

I’m really not sure which of my dreams the good Lord will bless me with or if he will give me a new one entirely, but I hold to the truth that it is His will that leads me and His plan that I will follow.

Internal Revolution, or maybe it’s Evolution

Love, hate. Happy, sad. Beginning, end.

Being at the paradox of your existence is nothing new. But being at the tipping point of your own internal revolution is…it is very new.

As we age and learn and evolve we become more than we give ourselves credit for, and we learn from our mistakes. Today while seeking web-spiration (That’s like inspiration – but online!) I stumbled into change, thoughts, and some wicked emotions.


This is one of the great truths of life. No matter who you are all you have to do is make up your mind to doing things differently. All life is a choice. Go this way, go that way. Take the easy road or take the road that is a little bumpy.

Just make a choice. Don’t float and hope for the best. Life doesn’t work that way.

The Emotion of an Act

Another of life’s great truths. Perhaps a little too much for some to think about, but something that must be decided before you act in some situations. There is a great quote from Mae West, who was a vixen in her day, “Sex is emotion in motion.” I was reading on a blog the other day that said emotions don’t matter anymore. That it’s just a physical act. That’s too insensitive for my brain to really think about, I’m with Mae.

(EDIT: It seems that I was a little too concentrated on the sex portion of this quote this morning. lol 🙂 ) It also has to do with allowing yourself the freedom to realize there is more to people than their bodies. Their thoughts, dreams and emotional selves are so much more important. Let yourself be free enough to make a connection, to become less inhibited.

Let the ones you care about in, show them your sins, be the open-book person.


I love Emerson. His take on things has helped make me the philosophical person I am today. Maybe I started reading Emerson a little too young, and it changed me too soon. But really allow this to seep into your bones. We are constantly bombarded by images and suggestions on what we SHOULD be. Rarely are any of us what popular culture has determined we are. DON’T ALLOW POP CULTURE TO DETERMINE ANYTHING! 

Be who you are.

If you don’t know…start a journal, write a blog, read a book.


Once you know who you are, you will know your dreams and you will be able to start making them happen!

JUST REMEMBER – the dreams you want now are not always the ones you will get. God has a plan for you and a you have a plan for you.

God’s plan OVER RULES yours.

A few final thoughts

In all you do pray.

If you need help making a choice – pray, then seek wise counsel.

If you are uncertain – wait…time will make everything work out.

Tell the truth because keeping track of lies is WAY TOO MUCH WORK.

Live for yourself. You are going to have to wake up and look yourself in the eyes every day.

Who do you want looking back?

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

It was a Monday that few things good happened, and everything that could have gone wrong did. I know it’s now Tuesday, but after reflection I think you could all use this reminder.

God is in Control.

God’s hand is leading you even when you can’t feel Him. He is aligning your path so that only good things come your way.

“Praise God from whom all blessings flow.”

Mondays suck for the majority of the working class. We have had two days off to play and pray and then you have to go back to work for “the man.” They are not the favored day for all of us on the Monday through Friday 8 to 5 schedule…well I work varied hours, but you get it right? Not our favorite day.

Throw in the fact that yesterday I lost my computer, my car broke down, and I had to borrow money from my mom to get it fixed, yesterday was the absolute worst!

It is only after reflection that I am able to remember that even on days, like my day yesterday, God has got my back.

Looking over the state of things life is good. I may not have everything I want, but I have everything that I need. I have a job. I have a loving family. I have two of the best children ever created. I have amazing friends who are there for me. Love and laughter and I can survive another day.

This is just my little reminder that no matter how bad it is, as long as you are doing all you can to make it work, then you are on the right path. No one ever said this life would be easy.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, no matter your circumstance.