Life after Rehab – Parenthood – In-Between – Video

Parenthood – In-Between – Video –

I hope that comes through when I post this. It is seriously something that I fear. Honestly. Completely. I fear life after rehab with my ex-husband.


Because like Seth’s character in Parenthood, once my exhusband stops drinking he is amazing. He is an amazing man whose generousity and ability to love know no bounds.

This isn’t the codependance talking, this is reality.

This is the reality we face every time he gets out of rehab.

This is why I chose him. He is an amazing person with a fantastic view of life and an ability to speak and communicate.

This is the tragedy in a marriage such as ours. Together because the love is there but so broken because of the addiction. The addiction controls all.

I love this show. It’s an amazing show and anyone who doesn’t watch it is missing out. It’s like someone is scripting the lives within my family. Or at least in my part of my family. I think I could name all the characters relationships within my own life.

Like Sarah’s character I will struggle with the love I feel for the rest of forever. We love broken people and no matter if we can live with them or not we struggle with our emotions. We struggle to remain distant.

Anyway, been struggling with this lately and its weird that the only way I can give an example is to provide a clip from a TV show.¬† This is the whole show. It’s an hour. You’ve been warned.


Agony of defeat

There is nothing more painful than sitting on the sidelines and watching some of the people you are closest to spiral to the depths of a drug induced coma. I have been forced to watch this more times than I care to count.

It’s not that you don’t want to save them.

It’s not that you don’t want to keep them from their fix.

It’s not that you don’t feel such an immense amount of pain at their situation.

It is that you can’t do anything for the unwilling.

The thing about an addiction is that you have to leave the addict to their own devices. They won’t change, they won’t sober up, they won’t see their path until it is too late. I wish there was a fun-house-type-mirror that shows someone after their first hit what their life could be like in 5 years time if they keep using.

Loss of life, kids, cars, homes, family, and so much more that is lost from within. You lose your faith, force of will, pride, and self-respect.

There are no words for the pain those of us on the parifery feel as we are watching you.

Addiction is the worst kind of disease. It consumes you. It eats at you. It makes all reason and logic disappear. Addiction is the epitomy of deceit.

You feel like you are on top of the world, only to crash to the depths of hell without so much as a stop on an even plane.

Then, for people like me, who tell you over and over and over and over that there is so much more to life, to just be told to shut the f*** up. Let me be. I can handle myself.

We want to grab you and rattle you to your core, and shout to the ends of the earth that you are worth so much more than this!

It starts small this thing we call addiction. A little pot, a few pills, a little bottle from the local package store, but eventually that is not enough. Nothing is ever enough for the true addict. Nothing is more fixating or penetrating than the need.

The constant need to have more, do more, achieve that same high you felt the first time. Only nothing is ever the same the second time. You won’t ever feel that way again. You will try and try and not achieve that because that’s how it works.

You remember the feeling, but at the same time you don’t. Because you don’t remember the exact circumstances, life, or emotions that lead to that high, you just remember the feeling.

I stand in the agony of defeat at the moment because yet again I have received news of one of my favorite people having everything taken from them.

It’s tragic this thing that smart, ingenius people let take their lives away.

I can’t help but hope that this, their first trip to rehab, will be their last. I know that statistically that is not reality, but I can hope.

Hope, pray, and be there.

Be there for the people in your life who you may not agree with their choices but they aren’t the ones making the choice! Drugs, alcohol, sex, addiction in general…once you allow it to rule your life it rules all parts of your life.

If you are in my situation, you know know one or several people that struggle with addiction, I ask you to be there for them as much as is comfortable to you. Don’t go to the extreme and develop a codependant bond, but if they are hungry feed them. If they are naked cloth them. If they are hurt patch them up.

We can only do so much.

We can only be so much.

Pray. Pray for them. The most powerful thing you can do is to pray for them.